Don’t stop with Human Centipede II: let’s ban more films and stop this sick filth NOW
There’s been much gnashing of teeth and no small amount of moral righteousness at the decision by the BBFC earlier this week to ‘ban’ Human Centipede II and pretty much stop any chance of it being shown in British cinemas.
Some would claim that it doesn’t really matter anyway, as those who want to watch it will just be able to illegally download it – and that the added publicity from this dreary controversy will lead to even more people trying to watch it at all costs.
That makes about the same sense as not banning shoplifting, thuggery, neo-Nazi parties, Noel Edmonds, etc, just because it’s going to happen anyway whether we like it or not. Obviously these self-regarding morons haven’t thought about the importance of taking a stand.
Anyone who watched the first Human Centipede – I bravely did so in the name of stopping others from wasting a couple of hours of their lives - should be able to attest to its inherent rubbishness, coming up with a gross-out concept but then failing to deliver where it matters: in delivering a decent movie.
It appears that with the sequel director Tom Six is now intent on delivering the horror film equivalent of the Aristocrats joke, becoming ever the more extreme in his rehashing of the same sordid event. The shame of this is that Six seems from his debut to be a terrible storyteller, so the BBFC are really doing us a favour by releasing us from the burden of whether to opt for that or Spider-Man 2 when opting to rent out something with an creepie-crawlie-related theme to it.
If, as some seem to sincerely believe, this is a matter of preserving free speech, then why not reserve such vociferous protests for something worth fighting for? This all seems like arguing over including under 18s in The X Factor so a schoolgirl with a voice like Corrie’s Bet Lynch on crack can croak the theme tune to the Teletubbies. In this circumstance it’s just not worth it, and forget about the principle of the matter: why not help a poverty-stricken country and make a positive difference, return to the subject at that moment at which something of actual artistic worth is put under threat?
The entire point of the Human Centipede II seems to be shock value – and it’s certainly provided that thanks to the mock outrage of Six at having the plot of his movie spoiler, and at him and his producers’ realisation that dumb idiots on these shores will be prevented from guffawing at the film’s perverse ‘plot’ points. So job well done boys! Let’s instead focus on the important lesson from this fiasco: banning more of this filth.
And by filth I don’t merely mean squalid horror-porn efforts. No, all the drek should be stopped before it reaches the big screen, preventing them from being gobbled up by cinema junkies.
I say that after watching The Hangover Part 2, which should really have been called The Hangover After The Hangover, in which the same directors and actors listlessly follow-up a well liked comedy by lunging straight into the gutter to gobble up whatever effluence was left from the ‘magic’ of that first flick.
It didn’t need to exist, and nobody needs to have witnessed it. The same with the latest Pirates of the Caribbean swill ride, Red Riding Hood, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son… And those are all from this year, never mind others that have preceded it! Better that the government act for our own good – as is the point of their existence – to stop us from going to see such puerile nonsense simply because we’re too gullible to be put off by negative reviews.
We don’t live in a free society, and nor should we. People’s own rights, and sometimes their sanity, need to be preserved – and sometimes we can’t do and get what we want, simply because it’d be an absolutely terrible idea if we did. The BBFC needs to do its wonderful duty even more: we’ll all be better off in the long run. In fact, if they start off by banning the horrendous-looking movie version of The Smurfs, then I imagine they’ll receive more riches and rewards and recognition for their efforts than the Fifa lot did when they decided to send the World Cup off to Qatar.
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